This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize