She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
