That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
