Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize