did you get engaged???
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
