i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
MIDGETS
????
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
