So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
