i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
