Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
