hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
