I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
