I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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