Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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