I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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