And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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