He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
