My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
