The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
