the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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