So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't deserve a penis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
