there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
