this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
