Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
