i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
