I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize