Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
