no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
