I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
