You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
