just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
