We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
