I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
