I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize