he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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