She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
