i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
