I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
