At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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