You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
