if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize