he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i out mim tonsoeep
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
