screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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