As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
