I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
