I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
