Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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