did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
