It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
