yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
