she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
