DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
