Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
