ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
