I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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