My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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