shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
