between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
