I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
