i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
