you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
