genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
