feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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