I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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