Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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