Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
