the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
