Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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