her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
