Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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