grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
