You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
