you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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