you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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