even my farts smell like vagina
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
