Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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