i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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