before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
