so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
