I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
