dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
