I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
