there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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