you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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