I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
