idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
