Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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