She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
