Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
