I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
cat food counts as protein by the way
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
