hotel room ftw
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
