Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
