Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
